Monday, November 28, 2011

Old Habits Die Hard...

I am sure that I am just as guilty of this as anyone else.

We get into our familiar habits and we do the same things over and over again because that's what we know.  I get it.  But if you want different results, should we conclude that we should probably step outside the proverbial box and try something new?

Case in point... my newly divorced friend who we'll call Stella, says she's ready to get back in the dating game.  At some point, she sees herself taking the plunge again, (but this time with the right person) but for right no, she just wants to put herself out there and just have fun. She been pretty great at the long term relationships, but she's never really dated for any extended period of time. With her new found freedom..."Stella just wants to get her grove back!" Funny thing about Stella.  She says she wants one thing, but her actions indicate something completely different.

For example, in an effort to get things flowing, she signs up for an internet dating website, and sees a few interesting men that provoke conversation. One conversation leads to another with several of these men...but somehow Stella sets her sights on the one guy she really likes, and goes out with him, and him alone.  After about a month of dating and sex, because she's decided that she really likes him...Mr. Man announces that he is not ready for a serious relationship, and cuts Stella off without warning. Now Stella is left holding the bag, and is wondering what happened.

So, exactly where did Stella go wrong?!?!? Well lets first start with her objective... didn't Stella say that she just wanted to get out and have fun?!?!?  Why would someone who just wants to have fun, set their sights on only one man, when she had the attention of several?!?!?  She could have had several dates with several men...but instead she chose only one. The one who she best felt fit inside her proverbial box.

Secondly, setting her sights on the Mr. Man and focusing her time and energy in one direction, made him feel pressured.  Stella became clingy and wanted to spend all of her free time with him and him alone. Instead, she should have spread herself amongst the men who garnered her attention, including Mr. Man, and just had fun.  Stella could have had coffee with guy #1 on Monday, wine with guy #2 on  Wednesday, and lunch with Mr. Man on Friday.  It shouldn't matter that he's not six feet tall, and doesn't have a six pack.  Go out with him anyway.  Your not trying to marry him...your just trying to meet new friends, go out and have fun.  The guy that doesn't meet your physical requirements just might bring something else to the table that you had not considered.  And even if he turns out to be the biggest jerk in the world... what have you really lost?!?! It was just coffee!!!

So if you can do just one thing for yourself to change your dating life... try stepping outside your box, and spread your time with more than one person at a time.  You just might be glad you did!!!

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