Monday, February 27, 2012

My Baby Is BORN!

Okay, Okay!  So I didn't actually give birth to a living soul, but this thing that I have been living a breathing for the past several years, has finally come to life!

In its entirety, this collection of dating stories and dating lessons learned is a culmination of the eight years in the making.  It's  been a long and arduous journey, but I knew in my heart that the point had to be made. No matter how long it took, I was bound and determined that tradition would not get the best of me...or any other women for that matter. When yesterdays society dictations are no longer appropriate for today's society, then somethings gotta change.

What I mean is... by tradition, marriage was the standard that all should strive for.  Some experts feel that past social norms and gender relations have caused women to be preprogrammed to want marriage. I too fell victim to such programming.  Barbie and Ken along with my Easy Bake Oven made it easy for me to fall into that romanticized vision of getting married and living happily ever after.  In my early years, I wasn't as cognizant as Little Riley, to recognize the marketing trickery of big business.  I did think that all girls wanted to be pink princesses. Unbeknown to me, Little Riley would now become one of my super heroes.

Just because a girl doesn't get married doesn't mean that she should feel like a failure.  Everyday I hear stories from women who feel inadequate simply because they are still single.  Many times I am confronted with that dreaded questions..."Why are you still single?"... as if to imply that it is some type of curse.  Today, my answer is almost always..."Why not?  What's wrong with being single?" Not that I am against marriage, by any means.  On the contrary. It took me a while to realize that marriage is just one branch on my tree of life.  Most trees have many branches, and even those branches can have many limbs extending off of them. Those branches represent the many options that life has to offer. And the beauty in all of this is... not one tree looks the same. Sure there are apple trees or maple trees and even weeping willows. They may bear the same fruit, but no tree is exactly alike.

It wasn't until I decided to explore the male perspective on dating, that I realized how right they actually  are. Being on the receiving end of men's dating mishaps, can make it hard to see the good that can come from the male perspective. Should you be able to separate yourself from the lies and deceit that women are often exposed to, and replace it with honesty, then it's not hard to see that they may be on to something. Only then is it easy to see that men tend not to apply the same pressures to themselves as do women, and take on a more relaxed approach to dating.  They typically do not sum up a woman on the first date to determine if she is marriage material.  They simply want to go out and enjoy a woman's company.  That's it.  There is no expectation.  They don't make things complicated.  There is no implication of exclusivity. It's all about having a good time.  At least initially anyway.

But times are in fact changing. The numbers of available men are dwindling.  CNN recently reported that there are only 88 single men to every 100 single women.  To add insult to injury, many women also find themselves living in cities such as New York, Philadelphia, D.C. and Atlanta, where  the single pool of women largely outweigh the number of single men. Women are finding themselves in single status due to no fault of their own, and its becoming a phenomenon that no one can control.  Situations such as unemployment, gay or bi-sexual preferences for men, contribute to the pool of undesirable mates, leaving women without many options.  Like it or not, a new societal tradition is rearing its ugly head.

When forced to tackle the question of "What if I never get married?" over eight years ago, I found nothing available to comfort my broken heart. Instead, I was flooded with the many ways to find Mr. Right.  Confused but yet determined to find another option, my discovery lead to the birth of my baby, "Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!"

What I've discovered is that life without marriage can be fabulous! In fact, many of my married friends contend the same.  But the purpose here is to encourage single women to live the life they have always dreamed of, with or without a mate.  Realizing that all everyone really wants is companionship, then they are encouraged to explore the male perspective by taking a more casual approach, throwing away that old notion that the outcome of dating must be marriage.

So with that thought in mind, I am challenging women to seek the adventure in dating. Try dating outside your dating box by traveling to a new city to explore a new pool of men. Maybe explore interracial dating. And even better still, try dating more that one man at a time. Be safe, but have fun.  It just might be the most fun a single girl could ever have.

"Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!" is now available on:

CreateSpace E-store:

The Kindle version will also be available within the next few weeks.

Blessings to you all!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Don't Be a Valentine's Day Sucker

I am usually pretty irritated whenever someone I do not know decides that I need to hear his or her personal telephone conversation. Its equally frustrating when the noise pollution you chose not to hear is forced upon you at a time when you can't get away.  Such was the case at the gym today.  

With my ear buds in and my music at full range, the annoying declarations of the adorable skinny brunette on the treadmill next to me, began to work my last nerve.  Not so much because she was having a full fledged conversation on her iPhone without as much as breaking a sweat much less having a hard time breathing, but because she was whining about another Valentine’s Day without a Valentine. Are you kidding me???

And while it was all I could do to not knock her off that treadmill and shake her to her senses, I managed to contain myself long enough to at least hear her out…since I really didn’t have a choice in the matter anyway. The more I listened, the more enraged I became. 

Didn’t she understand the Valentine’s Day was invented for all the shmucks that don’t do what they are required to do every other single day of the year?  You don’t get one day to prove your love to me… your supposed to do that EVERY DAY!!!   Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that everyday should be filled with flowers, candy and un-dying declarations of love, but the pressures of this day would not need to stress us out if we did our jobs as partners, lovers and friends. Call me crazy, but I would rather you make me a fantastic dinner with wine on a random Wednesday night, then to spend $200 on Valentine’s night.  Now that’s what I call special.

And while I understood her point about not having a Valentine on this particular day, should it really matter that much to us anyway??? Not that her feelings are not valid.  I get it. Everybody wants to be loved.  But does that make you any less of a person if you don’t have a date on this particular day?  You just worked off 600 calories at the gym only to put it back on eating that gift box of high priced chocolates. And those over-priced roses will die at the same rate as the one’s that will be bought next week for $30 less.  Why can’t you be your OWN Valentine…I thought to myself.  If it means that much to you, then buy yourself the candy and the flowers.  Take yourself out for that special dinner.  Or better yet…why not treat it as any other day???

But should you decide to venture out on this night, here are a few suggestions that might help you go it alone:

Try the gym- I can all but guarantee that a visit to the gym on Valentine’s night might prove to be invaluable, as chances are, you won’t be the only single person there. Put on your best smile and check out the weight room. See anything you like? Not only will you get the opportunity to work off the valentine chocolate you ate at the office, but you just might be the perfect piece of eye candy for someone else.

Care for a beer?  Now that the Super Bowl has been played and football is in the wind, it’s on to the next one. February is basketball season and there is a good chance that there is a game on somewhere. If he’s at the local sports bar watching the game, chances are he’s single too.

Better Yet… Is there a Game in Town? Check your local basketball or hockey team schedule to see if there is a game in town.  While there may be a few couples there that bought tickets to celebrate the night, I bet there will be a few single guys there too, just kickin' it because the game is in town.

Just maybe I blew an opportunity to school the adorable skinny brunette on the treadmill, by not shaking some sense into her.  If I had it to do all over again, I would tell her not to be a Valentine’s day Sucker.  Don’t give into the pressure, but love yourself enough to make the day work for you.  Then I would slap the iPhone out of her hand and tell her to take her whiny conversation someplace else.