"... Bad Girls Go EVERYWHERE!"

"To know her was to truly love everything about her." says a former assistant of Helen Gurley-Brown. I didn't know her.  I didn't even really know of her, truth be told.  But I do know about the legacy that she leaves behind, and sadly, that doesn't even begin to skim the surface of the life of a woman who could have been my heroine.  Well, at least one of them anyway.

As I began the research for my book, "Why Should Men Have All The Fun?," one of the first reads I ventured across happened to be "Sex and the Single Girl." Flipping through its description and table of contents, I would swiftly dismissed it thinking... surely, a book written in 1962, (and years before I was born) would hold very little significance for today's modern single woman.  Instead, I chose to read books like "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene and Neil Strauss' "The Game." It wasn't hard to quantify that further getting inside the heads of men was to have been the chosen road. As it would turn out, neither of which served any purpose, since the my writing quickly took on a life of it's own, in the form of a memoir. Who knew?

But as I think back to those chapters told, I can recall how a few of the sexy, salacious articles in the very same Cosmopolitan Magazine, electrically charged some of the very actions I confessed on those pages.  From the barely there ads of racy under garments, to the erotic samples of fragrances that perfumed my mailbox each month, to say that it  somehow influenced the formidable woman I've become, would be a definite understatement.  Yes, the goal-oriented articles about "How to Land that Perfect Job," would prove to be an interesting read, but it was really the scandalous essays on "How to Please Your Man in Bed" that caught the eye of every college girl around.  And who could blame us?That's the stuff that Mama never told us about.  The sharing of that subscription with my five college roommates became a monthly ritual that would shape us all to some degree...and some of us more than others.  I can laugh now about how vividly I recall becoming inflamed about how my magazine would magically disappearing, never to be found again, which coincidentally led to putting a lock on my bedroom door, just to be able to get through an entire issue. Who knew?

And as I now glance through tidbits about the tantalizing life of Ms. Gurley Brown, I am now overcome by a slight sadness, ashamed to now realize the potential of her reach. Why did I not know of her before? A champion of women's sexual freedoms during the days when Jeannie would magically appear out of her bottle via her pretty puff of pink smoke, (barely showing her cleavage, much less her belly button) at the beck and call of her Master, Astronaut Tony Nelson. These were the days of Harriet Nelson and June Cleaver, whose lives centered around the shenanigans of their children, never kissing their husbands in the lips. Re-runs of I Love Lucy were still very much in the mix, depicting how Lucy and Ricky got pregnant with Little Ricky, while sleeping in separate twin-sized beds.  Yet, there is this trendsetter crying out to all of the single women across all lands to live large, be fearless, stay sexy and remain single. She was not just an infamous promoter of women's sexual liberation, she was a working-class woman's role model who declared herself, her magazine and her message feminist, all the while taking tons of flack from her critics.  She was in fact a teacher who didn't just preach it... she lived every word she wrote.  And while her actions may not warrant a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, she does as the very least deserve a place in the pantheon of 20th-century feminist leaders. Who knew?

Now that I know a bit more about this intrepid heroine who I never existed to me until her death,  I  raise my glass of wine to her as I celebrate her words...

"Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere!"

Fifty Shades of Fascinating Philosophies...

I can't speak for you, but there was a time in recent months where everything I saw and read had at least a reference to the trilogy... "Fifty Shades of Grey." Wanting to understand what all the hoop-la was about, I like everyone else, jumped on the bandwagon  and purchased a copy of the first book in the series.  Despite the publicity,  as a newly published author, I was genuinely intrigued to understand what the excitement was all about.  Exactly what was it about this book, by a fellow first time author, made everyone who read it... want more?  I could in fact understand, if this work centered around a famous person or persons that we could relate to on some tangible level.  But as a society, have we become so starved and curious about the sexual escapades of fictional characters?  Curious minds wanted to know... what magic was concocted in this particular series that would make THREE books, best sellers?  Does "Mommy Porn" really sell 20 million copies in a matter of a span of twelve months?  Inquiring minds really wanna know...

As research would determine, this primary audience who just happened to be married women, fantasized the core message about the redeeming power of love. These women verbalized buying "Steele-Grey" ties for their husbands while shopping for similar sex toys and blogging about the novel's unrivalled power to reignite the heat and intensity behind closed doors.

Interestingly enough, it would appear that readers are somewhat undecided about the writing talent of Ms. E.L. James.  While 55% of the James fans view her as is a genius who writes with tantalizing detail about forbidden sexual desires to submit, succumb, possess and ultimately punish our virgin princess who has just graduated from college, another 45%  of audience viewed in unfavorable, by giving it only one star on Amazon.com.  What's more, the audience appears to relate to the complicated relationship between the insecure virgin and her bossy prince charming, whose relationship evolves very quickly over the course of this series. But at its core, James manages to captivate her readers with the most popular category in book publishing... "Love and Romance." Despite its mixed reputation, the series is an old-fashioned love story involving mild bondage, uncommon sex toys, and good old "vanilla sex" mixed with "kinky fuckery."  It is truly the classic boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-gets-girl-back plot which has fueled audiences for centuries.  And while I can honestly say that I have never really been a fan of "Chick Flicks" for the fictional sensationalism that continues to fuel this particular fantasy craze, I shamefully admit to not being able to put this book down, earnestly wanting to know with every page turn, what will happen next.

So exactly what did I learn from my experience through the best selling genre of
love and romance, also known as "Mommy Porn...???"

Does SEX Sell... Usually YES, but more importantly, most appear to be ultimately interested in the love aspect of this series. True enough, as the story unfolds, our virgin princess not only develops quite an appetite for her partner, she shows a stamina for what appears to be sex on almost a daily basis. While married women may NOT have that insatiable appetite for raw unadulterated sex, getting caught up in the sensationalism of fictional romanticism could prove to be quite the challenge.  After all, what woman wouldn't desire the best aspects of Mr. Grey to be hidden somewhere within their own true  partner? Page after page is a dissertation about how lost in love these two are for one another or descriptions about being in the throws of unbridled passion, although our hero can't stand to be touched. Ironic... maybe not.


Don't Show All Your Cards- Fiction or not, our virgin princess continually displays her insecurities throughout the trilogy by professing... "How can a beautiful man like this be interested in a young, inexperienced girl like me?"  Understanding that no one is perfect, its only human nature that we all might come to the table with our own form of insecurities.  Believing that we are all a work in progress, shouldn't we also think that it is in our best interest to continuously work on our issues, until they are no longer at the fore-front?  Even our prince recognized his faults and understood their origin as well as a need to resolve them.  Throughout the series, he continues to work on them, never giving up, and even encouraging the love of his life to do the same. While his solution was to seek the guidance of a shrink (and our prince confesses that he's seen many shrinks with many different methods of attack,) he established the need to continue on until he discovered who and what therapy worked best for him. Further acknowledging that he is still a work in progress, and still willing to do the work to get the job done. We are all deserving and worthy... if we believe we are.

What Works For Some May Not Work For Others-    Call it "degrading" or "mommy porn" or any of the other things that reviewers and critics alike have labeled it.  And while it may not be your thing... what it is very successful at is allowing its readers to escape the humdrum of every day life while addressing the needs of a particular woman, albeit it inexperienced, to have her every desire met by a man who truly adores her.  Tell me what woman in their right mind, would not want a piece of that action?  Fiction or not... sign me up!  And while the strong single women of today may not be willing to recognize "the N Word," the longing to be desired has to be forefront in the minds of those women simply just want to be loved.  Who among us can blame them?

Do Not Over Think Things-    As if you didn’t already recognize from our princess' constant inner dialogue, she spends way too much time in her head. Instead, let loose every now and then and go with your instincts.  If so led,  feel free to look for love in all the unexpected places. Yes, I understand that this is fiction true enough, but who knows what could be in store for you? How many times have you heard about a real-life romance that happened right under the receiver's nose?  You could call it fate or destiny, but isn't it plausible that it was a matter of taking a chance on something totally unexpected on the road the less traveled?  But even more simplistic than the task of finding love, is how this particular phenomenon of the tangible paper kind caused millions of women, including myself, to take a selfish time out to address a more important need... "ME TIME!"


So before you make the same error that I did... dismissing the hoop-la of the Fifty Shades Trilogy... Take heed to the words of our fictional Adonis, Christian Grey:

“My belief is to achieve success in any scheme.  One has to make oneself master of that scheme, know it inside and out, know every detail.”       

Back To My Reality... As I Choose It For Now...

Sunset at San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” — Lao Tzu

As much as I hate to admit it... travel adventures as I know it are now over. Gone is the freedom of solo travel and the allure of meeting new friends to explore new adventures. At least, for now.  Not because I choose it to be over, but because the reality of life has come to the forefront. As much as I would love to globetrot as if I were Lewis and Clark, my last name is neither, and the Johnson's of my family tree has not endowed me a trust fund in which to subsidize my hearts desires.  And yes, although I can pay bills by internet and keep in touch with family members via Skype, I do not possess the team of people that I trust to give full autonomy to my financial state of affairs to renew car registration, car tags and drivers license. My guess is that to assemble a team as such would probably take millions... millions I do not have. At least not yet anyway.  And so my reality is... to return to life as I knew it.

But the truth is, life will never really be as it was.  The reality is... experiences make us grow. Learning new lessons, and implementing them into our lives changes everything about who we once were. Mr. Albert Einstein I know would agree.  To take a page from his book...

 “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.”

Albert was a smart man.  Every time I step foot in a new city, a new country, a new continent... I am in awe.  There is something hypnotic about experiencing the world that you've only been able to read about on paper, come to life before your very eyes. The world, if you've never seen it, is the mysterious.  And it is out there, sitting, waiting for all who are willing to take privilege in it.

Sadly, when I joined the ranks of Americans who actually held passports in 1998, I was devastated to learn that I was part of a small but elite group just over 6.5 million or 15% of the international traveling minority in this country.   It wasn't until 2007, that the travesty of 9/11 made it mandatory for Americans traveling to Canada and Mexico be required to acquire passports when traveling on land or sea.  But even then, the number only jumped to 18.3 million or 22% of the American public. Even as of this writing, only 30% of Americans possess a passport in 2012, according to a recent CNN travel article.

“Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken.” 

– Frank Herbert

But the truth is, travel can be a reality for all of us who deem it a priority.  I often hear people affirm ... "you sure travel a lot!", as if it were a privilege only afforded to the wealthy. Just yesterday, I heard those very words while chatting to an old high school acquaintance.  I suppose that is because, I do see it as my reality. And for things which we ourselves deem as important... these things then take precedence.

I suppose I obtained the spirit of exploration from my father.  A truck driver by trade, he was determined to see..."as much of GOD'S green Earth as HE would allow." Despite the fact he understood it required a bit more time to travel with me, because I "couldn't just pee in a cup" like my brother... he still deemed it significant for me to experience the long trek along the Canadian pipeline to the heights of Alaska... TWICE.  As a little girl, I often resented not being able to travel with my Dad as much as my brother, and so I in turn felt the urgency to direct my aim so that I could perfect the talent of being able to "pee in a cup." Little good that did me...

But back to the point at hand... there is never a good time for change, but it is important to understand is what the cost would be if we don't.  What do we stand to loose if we don't create travel opportunities for ourselves.  By not executing a curiosity for the unknown, what message does this send to our children, nieces, nephews and youth of tomorrow...  Americans are comfortable in their own environment, and do not find it important enough to venture out into unfamiliar territory. Why on Earth is that??? In many countries, but particularly Israeli, it is considered a rite of passage to travel abroad. They do this in the year following army service, as a way to unwind from the stress of serving two to three years.  I was able to experience this first hand during my travels throughout Central America. Young Israelis were everywhere, as were other nationalities. Sadly, few Americans were to be found.

Foremost on the reasons to travel is that you discover a lot about yourself. Now I'm not talking about taking a family trip to Disney World. When I speak of a special vacation, I envision someone backpacking across Europe or driving along the coast of Australia... that is, a trip with cultural significance. Not many things in the world can inspire you like seeing the Colosseum in Rome or the Pyramids in Egypt.  Whether you're a lover of history, architecture or nature, only travel will satisfy your passion. No words can describe the rush you feel when gazing upon the Mona Lisa or admiring the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.  Experiences can range from the legendary (watching the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain) to the relaxing (enjoying a hot spring while snow swirls around you in Iceland), but they share one common link: they are all memorable. In every corner of the world, there is excitement waiting for you. It is simply a matter of sticking your head out and going for it.

Time puts everything in perspective for us. Can you recall those stressful milestones that once invaded your life – your first exam, your first date, your first real job?  Many of these you barely remember because in the grand scheme they’re not the significant events they once were.  Leaving your current situation may seem daunting, but in the future it may only seem like a minor event in your life, and perhaps even an obvious choice.  If you don’t make the travel change now, will you regret it years later?

“I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what

 inspires me to travel it.” — Rosalia de Castro

Amen Ms. Rosalia! Amen to that!

In The Pursuit of Happiness- Forming A Great Offense... Part 1

This month I celebrate the blessing of yet another birthday.  

My Facebook page both proudly and humbly showcases over 100 birthday well wishes from friends and family.  And while they are each individually humbling enough to bring any girl to tears… there was one in particular that made me take pause.  It conveyed:

“So I see you still have a love of the water… Blessings to you on a wonderful birthday.”

It was sent from a dear childhood friend with whom I had known since the fourth grade.  It gave pause because her exclamation brought me back to a youthful time when my career dream was to become a marine biologist.  It was this, that would later inspire me to become both lifeguard and a water safety instructor. The third of these career steps would require future certification from diving instruction. In hindsight, I’m not exactly sure how my youthful brain translated that into a career in water sciences, but back then, I made perfect sense. I knew, in my heart of hearts, becoming a marine biologist would fulfill a life long dream… and thus produce a lifetime of happiness.  

In the spirit of birthdays and happiness… There’s something that magically happens once you are fully aware that you are about to enter your forties.  At least it did for me, and for a few countless others  whom I have promised shall remain nameless. 

I remember it like it was yesterday, although in hindsight it was almost 10 years ago.   At age 36, I made the life altering decision to not have children.  Fresh out of a relationship lasting seven years that I felt sure would end in marriage; the thought of being a single parent was never even a remote possibility.  Unless my prince charming magically entered my life at thirty-six and we could make a successful run at things before I turned forty, the possibility of becoming a parent would be gone like the wind.  I searched for him, even prayed for him... but all to no avail.  

As strange as it may seem, there was almost a metamorphosis unconsciously manifesting during the three-year period following my childbearing decision.  And with that came the realization that I was living life as it came to me instead of creating the life I wanted.  As a sports fan, this translated into living a defensive life, when the reality should have been that I should be creating an offensive life.  Sure it is true that defense wins games… but it is the best offense that sets the tone for the ENTIRE game.  Set a great plan in motion, and then defend, but only as the need requires.

So at age 39, it became necessary to inaugurate a new way to think about my life’s path.  Firm on my parenting decision, and now knowing what was now set before me, another inexplicable decision was made, which would unknowingly amend the course of my life forever…  I made the choice to be happy. 

Sure this sounds easy enough, but in order to make it happen, and then make it stick, the process one subjects them to is not an easy one.  It’s not just a decision, but series of decisions, that then are required to translate into repeated actions, which should then be performed over and over on a weekly, monthly yearly basis.  

Simply stating that you want to be happy would then actually require that you understand exactly what happiness is.   Then the act of manifesting happiness in your own life takes not just an understanding of how that translates for you, but an entire journey involving exploration, that in my opinion… never really ends.

I believe that happiness is much more than the many words that describe it. Contentment, pleasure, gladness, joy, bliss, delight, exhilaration, ecstasy and glee just begin to touch the surface, once the implementation of happiness begins.  Webster defines it as:

1-To imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction.

2- A peaceful kind of contentment in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified.

Now, this is just my modest opinion, but to truly possess and retain these emotions is where the true occupation lies. Keep in mind that there are ebbs and flows in every life.  Considering this… How else can we expect to know what true happiness is, if we haven’t been privy to life’s sadness and hurt?  How would we begin to understand satisfaction, if we have never been through disappointment?  To expect to remain in a constant state of happiness is simply naive.  But at the risk of exploiting a further point… I would suppose that this is where defense would play a role.  A great offense is nothing without a great defense. 

So with that being said…  first know and understand what happiness means to you.  This is a big one so feel free to take your time with this one.  It’s important.  For with this initial step, as it then becomes the foundation to forming a great offense.

Without full the comprehension of what I have just described I began to comprise a catalog or a bucket list of sorts, of the items, things, accomplishments I needed to achieve in my trek to undertake the objective that is called happiness.  And while the record has been revised over the years, always remaining at the top has always been to see the world.  So this birthday, it’s Central America.   And since diving was previously on the infantile catalog… then why not knock off the adolescent aspiration as well?  As is my usual practice, I will be celebrating all month.  Most of the month will be consumed with travel, but I will make sure to close it out at the end of the month with family and friends.  It’s just a few of the many things that I know make me happy.  But since we are talking about it…

Exactly what does happiness mean to you…???

And The Beat Goes On...

After taking months off to be a virtuous daughter, and a dedicated new author, it was now cerebrally necessary to take my heart and my head back where it belonged… back on the road.  The urge to pick up where I had left off had been calling me for months, but it was essential for me to stand in for grander mission. One which had sidelined my road trip from the start.

During a stint through Guatemala, in mid-September of 2011, I received a dreaded phone call, informing that breast cancer struck again with a vengeance. It would be almost exactly one year to the day since the surgery of my mother’s original diagnosis.  Knowing there was no way to conscientiously continue my personal journey, I took time out to pause and handle business.

Today, I can thankfully report that Mom is now cancer free for a second time.  She has since been placed on notice to not accept or otherwise incubate any form of cancer at anytime in the foreseeable future. Eating in a more conscious manner, while engaging in a slightly more physical lifestyle than the sedentary one she had been used to, was no longer an option.  To insure this happened, at least temporarily, I left my beloved companion with her, an active but sweet two-year old Jack Russell mix, whose own lifestyle requires walking three times daily.  Not to insinuate that anyone would dare wish this dreaded disease on themselves or anyone else for that matter.  But making this declaration while taking my stance was my way of exercising my faith.  ("Faith without works is dead..." James 2:17 NKJV.) Throwing my demands out into the world to be heard and manifested, I have always believed in the power of words.  It is in large part why I decided to become a writer. ("The power of life and death is in the tongue." Proverbs 18:21)  But as an added insurance policy, a heart to heart with His Royal Holiness was needed. ("The effective prayer of the righteous man availeth much." James 5:16) And just like that in my heart I recieved, “the cancer will not kill her… although you just might.”  With my quick confirmation, I now believed I had permission to carry on.

I was lucky enough to catch the tail end of a airline fare war that required leaving out on the very day of my mother’s last cancer related doctor’s appointment. I’m not sure that sat well with her. I’m not sure that would have sat well with me either, had the situation been reversed. It bothered me to leave town on what could be a pending thought that implied I just had to take to first flight out to get the heck out of dodge.  This was not the case in the least, and a $150 savings in my flight costs partially justified my guilt. Nevertheless, this forty-four year old woman would succumb to the pressure, print the email, and explain my decision, all to avoid any drama that could potentially be lurking at some unknown point in the future. Luckily for me… the truth worked, at least for the time being.

With that being said, arriving on a flight that should have landed at 1am into San Pedro Sula, Honduras, didn’t until 3:00am, because of storms. The original plan was to get a hotel room for the night, knowing that there would be a bus at 9:30am. But under the current circumstances that didn’t make much sense considering the first bus out to Tela left at 5:30am.  Perhaps there was no need for a room, but was it wise to sit parked in the public terminal of an airport that was well known for it's  pick pockets and thieves, even despite the police presence with guns in tow? Surely there would be others that would be forced with the same dilemma until the bus and cab drivers were ready to report for duty. As I pondered my dilemma, a consoling awareness covered my body like a blanket, reassuring me that all would be well.  As luck would have it, a sizeable, yet amicable "gringo" by the name of Bobby, fresh from his American roots in Alabama, took a liking to me.  A 12 year resident of Talanga, just outside of Tegucigalpa, this formidable southern giant looked as mean as an ogre, but in actuality, was as gentle as a lamb.  It didn’t take long for me to comprehend that he was my blanket, but the irony here was, it was Bobby who was comfortable enough  to catch a hour-long nap, and I would be the one designated to watch over our belongings.  Some how, I was okay with that.  As I diligently stood guard, I noticed another less formidable gringo walking to and fro, but in a very unsettled manner.  I made sure to keep an eye on this one, as his clearly he was wrapped too tight.

As luck would have it, my less formidable gringo went by the name of Tony. He and Bobby were plane-mates a few rows behind me during our flight, and had already agreed to split a cab to the bus terminal. He too was nervous about the wait, and exhausted from the flight, he knew that if he sat down long enough, he would fall off to sleep. Tony decided the best way to not become a victim was to simply keep it moving. At 5:00 am, the  first cab drivers arrived to take us to the bus terminal, and as previously agreed by the two gingos, the three of us would split the $15 cab ride.  $5 per person was hard to refuse. As we parted ways at the terminal, it was my less formidable gringo, who took the second shift assuming the responsibility of my blanket.  It turns out that we were both headed in the same direction, and he promised Bobby that he would keep me safe.  God works in mysterious ways.

The guide book I am using for this trip called my beach destination, Tela…“a hot mess with sinister appeal."  As much as I hated to believe it, their description was sadly quite appropriate.  Barely on my second day, and I had yet to find anything to entice me to stay a third.  Void of all character, the town was divided into an old and new section, separated by only a bridge and the captains that parked their barges below it. To make matters worse, there was nothing "new" about its "new"section. Trying hard not to pass judgment so early on in my visit, I really searched hard to find the good within it. On the surface, it's beaches and town were both disappointingly dirty. My search to dig deeper uncovered only that's its people were cold, the food was average, and most of the service around town was marginal at best.  With two exceptions worthy of mention, Cesar Mariscos’ restaurant, whose ceviche was slammin’ and customer service was stupendous, and  Mango Café B&B, who despite the language barrier, made an effort to find someone whose English was just as bad as my Spanish and yet managed to make it work with a smile.  My travel guide made mention that English was spoken at most places.  Most of those people must have gone on vacation, knowing that I was on the way. I suppose this means that I must work harder on my Spanish to avoid the handicap. Oh well, lesson learned.

Next up La Ceiba and Utila Honduras…

Do you Have A Spare Tire???

Do you listen to Blog Talk Radio??? For those who do not know what it is, Blog Talk Radio is a web-based platform that allows callers to host a live call-in Internet broadcast without the use of complicated or expensive equipment.  All that is needed simply a computer and a phone. As a listener, you listen the same way you would traditional radio...just on your computer. Cool, huh???

Well admittedly, I had never listened in until recently. While preparing for my upcoming interview, I thought it might behoove me to do a bit of research, so I might have a better an idea of what I could be in store for.

While listening to the show, I heard a guy confirm being involved in a committed relationship and also admit to having a spare tire... aka the fall guy or fall girl in this case. You could call it someone who you know will be there whenever you call.  It could also be known as the number in the black book that never gets erased. The person you call whenever for whatever... and they are there for you.  Are you that girl???

And while the two female co-hosts argued all the various reasons why this is all kinds of wrong... I couldn't help the pure frustration I experienced while listening in. Yes, it is all kinds of wrong and yes all of their points were 100% valid, at least from the female perspective. But the listener side of me just wanted to shake them both scream back at my computer screen... "DID YOU REALLY HEAR WHAT HE JUST SAID TO YOU???" Sadly, I don't think they really heard him.

He's got a spare tire and in so many words... he's not getting rid of her. He's not asking for permission... he's telling you what he's got! As the banter continued back and forth, at the end of the day, the points his co-hosts argued will not make him go home and change his evil ways. This is just one of the many reasons "WHY MEN HAVE ALL THE FUN!"  Men know how to put their needs first. And while we ladies may not necessarily agree with this viewpoint,  He's still gonna do what he does...that's just what men do.

Now my question is...

How many men think the same way?  My guess is probably quite a few.

Then my next question is... Why aren't more women doing this too?  Just another guess, but I would venture to say that there are probably far more men than there are women with spare tires.

Now that we are aware that there is a possibility that this could be the case with your man... do you as women subscribe to the theory... If you can't beat 'em... join 'em!  Now that you are armed with a bit more information than you had yesterday...how do you intend to use it?  Do you file it away in your mental filing cabinet, never to be seen again until it slaps you in the face when it pops up again, leaving you surprised and unprepared?  Or do you flip that script ladies... and go out to get you one too? Maybe you already have one...  Whatever you decide, just don't end up like the guy in the picture posted above.  Clearly,  he didn't have a spare when he needed one... and he looks like he could have used one!

Two wrongs may not make it right... but it certainly does give us an even playing field!

Here's a link for tomorrow nights show (Wednesday 9pm EST/6pm PST)...
"Talkin' Da Biz w/ Ms. K and Diva"

Hope you'll be joining us!!!

Don't Be a Valentine's Day Sucker

I am usually pretty irritated whenever someone I do not know decides that I need to hear his or her personal telephone conversation. Its equally frustrating when the noise pollution you chose not to hear is forced upon you at a time when you can't get away.  Such was the case at the gym today.  

With my ear buds in and my music at full range, the annoying declarations of the adorable skinny brunette on the treadmill next to me, began to work my last nerve.  Not so much because she was having a full fledged conversation on her iPhone without as much as breaking a sweat much less having a hard time breathing, but because she was whining about another Valentine’s Day without a Valentine. Are you kidding me???

And while it was all I could do to not knock her off that treadmill and shake her to her senses, I managed to contain myself long enough to at least hear her out…since I really didn’t have a choice in the matter anyway. The more I listened, the more enraged I became. 

Didn’t she understand the Valentine’s Day was invented for all the shmucks that don’t do what they are required to do every other single day of the year?  You don’t get one day to prove your love to me… your supposed to do that EVERY DAY!!!   Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that everyday should be filled with flowers, candy and un-dying declarations of love, but the pressures of this day would not need to stress us out if we did our jobs as partners, lovers and friends. Call me crazy, but I would rather you make me a fantastic dinner with wine on a random Wednesday night, then to spend $200 on Valentine’s night.  Now that’s what I call special.

And while I understood her point about not having a Valentine on this particular day, should it really matter that much to us anyway??? Not that her feelings are not valid.  I get it. Everybody wants to be loved.  But does that make you any less of a person if you don’t have a date on this particular day?  You just worked off 600 calories at the gym only to put it back on eating that gift box of high priced chocolates. And those over-priced roses will die at the same rate as the one’s that will be bought next week for $30 less.  Why can’t you be your OWN Valentine…I thought to myself.  If it means that much to you, then buy yourself the candy and the flowers.  Take yourself out for that special dinner.  Or better yet…why not treat it as any other day???

But should you decide to venture out on this night, here are a few suggestions that might help you go it alone:

Try the gym- I can all but guarantee that a visit to the gym on Valentine’s night might prove to be invaluable, as chances are, you won’t be the only single person there. Put on your best smile and check out the weight room. See anything you like? Not only will you get the opportunity to work off the valentine chocolate you ate at the office, but you just might be the perfect piece of eye candy for someone else.

Care for a beer?  Now that the Super Bowl has been played and football is in the wind, it’s on to the next one. February is basketball season and there is a good chance that there is a game on somewhere. If he’s at the local sports bar watching the game, chances are he’s single too.

Better Yet… Is there a Game in Town? Check your local basketball or hockey team schedule to see if there is a game in town.  While there may be a few couples there that bought tickets to celebrate the night, I bet there will be a few single guys there too, just kickin' it because the game is in town.

Just maybe I blew an opportunity to school the adorable skinny brunette on the treadmill, by not shaking some sense into her.  If I had it to do all over again, I would tell her not to be a Valentine’s day Sucker.  Don’t give into the pressure, but love yourself enough to make the day work for you.  Then I would slap the iPhone out of her hand and tell her to take her whiny conversation someplace else.

The Fortitude of Freedom

 

I don’t know about you… but I enjoy my own company. Although I am blessed with a fabulous arsenal of friends, (and I have some of the best friends in the world,) there are times when only my own company will do.   There doesn’t need to be a personal trauma or an issue that needs contemplation for me to pack a bag and head away for a weekend.  There are times where I don’t even need a destination.  Sometimes,  a tank of gas will do just fine.

There is a certain satisfaction that comes with the realization that there is power in freedom. The idea that I can make a decision to go ANYWHERE and do just about ANYTHING is not just alluring… it’s liberating!  All that is needed is a desire. It can start with the simplest of ideas, like travel for example. The concept of freedom is such a wonderful thing, and yet many of us don’t exercise it to the fullest extent.  We react life as it happens instead of conscientiously choosing where we want our lives to go.  When was the last time you chosen to exercise your autonomy?

This weekend, I am exhibiting my free will in Savannah, Georgia. I had the desire to be near water, so I packed my weekend bag with a couple pairs of jeans, a comfortable pair of shoes, a bottle of my favorite wine, and an iPod full of my favorite tunes.  Other than the selection of a hotel on the riverfront, I really didn’t have a plan.  Whatever struck my fancy…that is what I chose to do.  Friday night sounded like a fabulous night for a rooftop dinner while watching the sunset.  Saturday’s unseasonably warm weather felt ideal for exploring the city’s exquisite architecture, and allowed me to discover Savannah’s only craft brewery…go figure!  And that wasn’t even on the list…because I chose not to have one.

Today is Sunday.  So far it’s been a magnificent day for a fabulous breakfast, followed by some quiet time enjoying the view from my riverfront balcony.  Maybe late this afternoon I’ll find a great Sushi Restaurant, and afterwards go shopping for the best pralines in the city to bring back to my family.  They’ll love that.  Maybe I’ll choose something else?  Who knows?

What I do know is that I LOVE choosing sovereignty.  I am truly grateful for the God given right to be the person I choose to be.  I can explore all the places I desire to see and do all of the wonderful things that are available to me.  I can take a boat ride on the Savannah River or I can sit quietly on my balcony and enjoy its view.  Whatever I do…I know it will be the right choice!