"You Make Me Sick..."

"You make me sick!  You make single life look like its so much fun!  How do you do that?"

Who says something like that???    Unfortunately for me, the words came from a dear single girlfriend during a recent conversation. It all started as an inquiry into my recent four month solo travel epic through Central America, and some how evolved into..."You make me sick..." 

Now I am no expert on how to live an irresistibly insatiable life, but I am pretty darn happy and fulfilled.  I know myself, I know what I like, and I have an incredibly fun social life that just happens to be filled with a whole lot of terrific people.  In fact, I have the "BEST" girlfriends in the entire world to be more specific. And while they have a lot to do with what makes me happy in general, I also know how to celebrate my quiet time. 

But in my opinion, the woman who is miserably single will probably be pretty unhappy in other areas of her life. If I had to venture a guess, I would bet you anything there are other issues she's wrestling with and it's just easier to blame her singleness than it is to do the work she would need to address her true evils.

And while my friend's comment took me by surprise, I didn't believe for one moment her comment should be taken literally. Regardless of your marital status, I truly believe that one of our sole purposes on this Earth is to enjoy the life we have been given while collectively spreading love, joy and experience with those around us.  After all, the "Golden Rule... is to do onto others as you would have them do unto you."  If the situation were in reverse, and I was the one who was perceived as miserably single, I would hope that someone to take an interest to help me out of my melancholy and gloom.

With that purpose in mind, I tried my best to decipher the biggest influences that would have drawn her conclusion, and tried to make a few humble suggestions to aid her (and others for that matter) onto the road of the glorious single life...

Surround Yourself With FABULOUS People- I mentioned earlier that I have the "BEST" girlfriends in the world.  And while each of them serves a specific role, in general, I believe that we all do an excellent job of supporting and lifting up one another. We are more than friends... we are mentors,  teachers and sometimes family members. We are great listeners and we know just how to be there when we are needed. We also know how to make each other feel good about ourselves, and that's an important part of the friendship.  When we feel good about ourselves, it becomes infectious. We also understand that not everyone is going to like us... but we don't want everyone to like us. If they don't know what they are missing out on... then that's their problem and not ours.

Be a DOER... Not Just A THINKER- Thinkers sit around contemplating change, but DOERS actually put their thoughts to action.  What's the point of putting together a great plan, if its not executed. After all, "faith without works is dead"... right??? Doers are active people.  They have hobbies that they love and engage in them on a regular basis. Work is not the total focus of their being and achieving balance can take some time and practice, but makes for an incredibly well-rounded person.  They don't rely on other people to entertain them, they do a great job of doing that all by themselves. Doers are smart people with curious, educated opinions, and are not the least bit afraid of doing things alone if need be.  They enjoy their own company and do not wait for others to experience the things they themselves want to do.  You see them everywhere... the solo-ists who are enjoying the newest restaurant, taking that cooking class or traveling alone to explore a new city or country.


Truly Know THY Self- I truly believe that to be appealing to others, you must first be comfortable in your own skin. No games. No false pretenses. Just 100% you.  We are interesting people with terrific social lives. Take time out to figure out what makes you happy, because everyone loves a happy person.  Would you want to spend your time with someone who is a constant complainer?  You can't pretend to be a lover of wine if all the wine you know is White Zinfandel. (Sorry, if I offend anyone... but friends don't let friends drink white zinfandel!) Take the time to educate yourself on those things you enjoy.  Interested in something but don't know enough about it to really enjoy it?  Then take the time out to explore it. There is something about having a true interest in something to attract the right people to you.  From childhood, I had always wanted to explore scuba diving.  Recently,  I decided that I was finally going to do it.  During the process of enjoying my experience, I attracted the attention of a former scuba instructor who is now the director of one of the largest aquariums in the world. Guess who now has an exclusive invitation to take partake in one of the most unique diving experiences in the world?  Me! That's who!

It is my prayer, that these reflections will help anyone, regardless of your marital status, find the road to the glorious life you were meant to live!

In The Pursuit of Happiness- Forming A Great Offense... Part 1

This month I celebrate the blessing of yet another birthday.  

My Facebook page both proudly and humbly showcases over 100 birthday well wishes from friends and family.  And while they are each individually humbling enough to bring any girl to tears… there was one in particular that made me take pause.  It conveyed:

“So I see you still have a love of the water… Blessings to you on a wonderful birthday.”

It was sent from a dear childhood friend with whom I had known since the fourth grade.  It gave pause because her exclamation brought me back to a youthful time when my career dream was to become a marine biologist.  It was this, that would later inspire me to become both lifeguard and a water safety instructor. The third of these career steps would require future certification from diving instruction. In hindsight, I’m not exactly sure how my youthful brain translated that into a career in water sciences, but back then, I made perfect sense. I knew, in my heart of hearts, becoming a marine biologist would fulfill a life long dream… and thus produce a lifetime of happiness.  

In the spirit of birthdays and happiness… There’s something that magically happens once you are fully aware that you are about to enter your forties.  At least it did for me, and for a few countless others  whom I have promised shall remain nameless. 

I remember it like it was yesterday, although in hindsight it was almost 10 years ago.   At age 36, I made the life altering decision to not have children.  Fresh out of a relationship lasting seven years that I felt sure would end in marriage; the thought of being a single parent was never even a remote possibility.  Unless my prince charming magically entered my life at thirty-six and we could make a successful run at things before I turned forty, the possibility of becoming a parent would be gone like the wind.  I searched for him, even prayed for him... but all to no avail.  

As strange as it may seem, there was almost a metamorphosis unconsciously manifesting during the three-year period following my childbearing decision.  And with that came the realization that I was living life as it came to me instead of creating the life I wanted.  As a sports fan, this translated into living a defensive life, when the reality should have been that I should be creating an offensive life.  Sure it is true that defense wins games… but it is the best offense that sets the tone for the ENTIRE game.  Set a great plan in motion, and then defend, but only as the need requires.

So at age 39, it became necessary to inaugurate a new way to think about my life’s path.  Firm on my parenting decision, and now knowing what was now set before me, another inexplicable decision was made, which would unknowingly amend the course of my life forever…  I made the choice to be happy. 

Sure this sounds easy enough, but in order to make it happen, and then make it stick, the process one subjects them to is not an easy one.  It’s not just a decision, but series of decisions, that then are required to translate into repeated actions, which should then be performed over and over on a weekly, monthly yearly basis.  

Simply stating that you want to be happy would then actually require that you understand exactly what happiness is.   Then the act of manifesting happiness in your own life takes not just an understanding of how that translates for you, but an entire journey involving exploration, that in my opinion… never really ends.

I believe that happiness is much more than the many words that describe it. Contentment, pleasure, gladness, joy, bliss, delight, exhilaration, ecstasy and glee just begin to touch the surface, once the implementation of happiness begins.  Webster defines it as:

1-To imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction.

2- A peaceful kind of contentment in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified.

Now, this is just my modest opinion, but to truly possess and retain these emotions is where the true occupation lies. Keep in mind that there are ebbs and flows in every life.  Considering this… How else can we expect to know what true happiness is, if we haven’t been privy to life’s sadness and hurt?  How would we begin to understand satisfaction, if we have never been through disappointment?  To expect to remain in a constant state of happiness is simply naive.  But at the risk of exploiting a further point… I would suppose that this is where defense would play a role.  A great offense is nothing without a great defense. 

So with that being said…  first know and understand what happiness means to you.  This is a big one so feel free to take your time with this one.  It’s important.  For with this initial step, as it then becomes the foundation to forming a great offense.

Without full the comprehension of what I have just described I began to comprise a catalog or a bucket list of sorts, of the items, things, accomplishments I needed to achieve in my trek to undertake the objective that is called happiness.  And while the record has been revised over the years, always remaining at the top has always been to see the world.  So this birthday, it’s Central America.   And since diving was previously on the infantile catalog… then why not knock off the adolescent aspiration as well?  As is my usual practice, I will be celebrating all month.  Most of the month will be consumed with travel, but I will make sure to close it out at the end of the month with family and friends.  It’s just a few of the many things that I know make me happy.  But since we are talking about it…

Exactly what does happiness mean to you…???