Do you Have A Spare Tire???

Do you listen to Blog Talk Radio??? For those who do not know what it is, Blog Talk Radio is a web-based platform that allows callers to host a live call-in Internet broadcast without the use of complicated or expensive equipment.  All that is needed simply a computer and a phone. As a listener, you listen the same way you would traditional radio...just on your computer. Cool, huh???

Well admittedly, I had never listened in until recently. While preparing for my upcoming interview, I thought it might behoove me to do a bit of research, so I might have a better an idea of what I could be in store for.

While listening to the show, I heard a guy confirm being involved in a committed relationship and also admit to having a spare tire... aka the fall guy or fall girl in this case. You could call it someone who you know will be there whenever you call.  It could also be known as the number in the black book that never gets erased. The person you call whenever for whatever... and they are there for you.  Are you that girl???

And while the two female co-hosts argued all the various reasons why this is all kinds of wrong... I couldn't help the pure frustration I experienced while listening in. Yes, it is all kinds of wrong and yes all of their points were 100% valid, at least from the female perspective. But the listener side of me just wanted to shake them both scream back at my computer screen... "DID YOU REALLY HEAR WHAT HE JUST SAID TO YOU???" Sadly, I don't think they really heard him.

He's got a spare tire and in so many words... he's not getting rid of her. He's not asking for permission... he's telling you what he's got! As the banter continued back and forth, at the end of the day, the points his co-hosts argued will not make him go home and change his evil ways. This is just one of the many reasons "WHY MEN HAVE ALL THE FUN!"  Men know how to put their needs first. And while we ladies may not necessarily agree with this viewpoint,  He's still gonna do what he does...that's just what men do.

Now my question is...

How many men think the same way?  My guess is probably quite a few.

Then my next question is... Why aren't more women doing this too?  Just another guess, but I would venture to say that there are probably far more men than there are women with spare tires.

Now that we are aware that there is a possibility that this could be the case with your man... do you as women subscribe to the theory... If you can't beat 'em... join 'em!  Now that you are armed with a bit more information than you had yesterday...how do you intend to use it?  Do you file it away in your mental filing cabinet, never to be seen again until it slaps you in the face when it pops up again, leaving you surprised and unprepared?  Or do you flip that script ladies... and go out to get you one too? Maybe you already have one...  Whatever you decide, just don't end up like the guy in the picture posted above.  Clearly,  he didn't have a spare when he needed one... and he looks like he could have used one!

Two wrongs may not make it right... but it certainly does give us an even playing field!

Here's a link for tomorrow nights show (Wednesday 9pm EST/6pm PST)...
"Talkin' Da Biz w/ Ms. K and Diva"

Hope you'll be joining us!!!

35 Places to Help You Discover Where the Men Are

“I would love to date more than one man at a time… but I can’t even find one, much less date more than one!”

I hear this a lot.  It frustrates me to no end when I hear these words, because it doesn’t take much to figure out that men are EVERYWHERE!  I don’t think the question is…”Where are the men?” as much as the question should…”What can I do to get their attention?!” 

I bring up the point because I’m not convinced that a special effort needs to be made in order to meet men on your own turf.  Don’t believe me?  Look around you… men are in our grocery stores, gyms and work places.  They are in our banks, our dry cleaners and even our eateries.  They shop in our malls, they purchase gasoline from the same gas stations, and even get mani’s and pedi’s from the same nail shops… and often not all gay! Go figure!  So exactly how is it that we’ve missed the boat?

Perhaps it is not the result of what we see or where we go as much as it is the questions we ask?  It is my belief that the importance lies in how to get their attention, no matter where they may be.  But because I have been inundated with where they men are… I think we’ll save the topic of how to address them for a later date.  So, you wanna know the best places to find men…???

UNDER YOUR NOSE-

I mentioned this earlier… they really are everywhere!  Are you looking?  Try a casual perusal around the next time you walk to your car in the Target or Wal-Mart parking lot. I wouldn’t lie to you, they really are there! 

WORKOUT CENTRAL-

Have you checked out the free weight area of you local gym? OMG! They are all there! Short ones, tall ones, bulky ones, cute ones and everything in between.  At my gym, they always gravitate here, and some are even on mission while others try to make it a meat market. But don’t fret… working out after 5 pm brings out all kinds so the sky is the limit!

IN THE MARKET FOR ELECTRONICS?

What guy do you know doesn’t have a liking for a gadget of some sort? Have you paid a visit to your local Apple store lately? Best Buy? So maybe your budget can’t accommodate a new TV, Blu-Ray player or hard drive.  But there’s nothing wrong with window shopping until such time as the need arises.  And the best part is… you don’t even need to know what you’re looking for. Just grab the best looking male that catches your attention and ask the question.  He doesn’t even need to be a salesperson for you to be provided with an answer…who says it even needs to be the right answer?

GOT SPORTS?

I suggest this one judiciously, because this one can really bite you in the buttocks if you are not careful!  Ladies, find a sport that you have a GENUINE interest in, and please do a bit of research before visiting the sports bar or venue of your choice.  Knowing something about what you came to see can really be the difference between a sincere connection, and a guy’s exposure to your true authenticity.  Don’t believe me?  Try walking into a sports bar with heels and a tube top versus the jersey of your favorite team and see how you are treated!  It may not be pretty… so just a warning! The only place that may grant you a break could be a tailgate event, but even then, if you aren’t a die hard fan, you’ve been forewarned!

CAR SHOWS-

Whether your in the market for a new vehicle or not, this is one place that brings out men of all kinds.  Maybe you missed this years event… keep an eye out for the next Boat Show, RV/ Camping / Hunting Expo, or Gun Show.  Maybe that’s not your thing… but maybe you're the outdoorsy rock climbing, kayaking or motorcycles.  I promise you, there is an app for that. 

DOG PARKS-

I gotta say, of all of the place that I frequent, this has to be one of my favs!  It’s not that I love an opportunity to pimp out my dog… but if I can find a guy who loves his dog as much as I do, then we could have a winner on my hands.  How easy is it to meet at the local dog park for your first date? But a word of caution, DO NOT make the first date a picnic at the dog park!  Can you say disaster?

HONORABLE MENTIONS-

While we are on the subject of sports, lets not forget the sporting good stores that supply the needs of the hobbies we frequent.  And while I understand that they may be regional… Dick’s Sporting Goods, Sports Authority, REI, Academy, Bass Pro Shop and Cabella’s are just a few of the ones that provide a wide selection of equipment.  Don’t forget about the smaller local suppliers and specialty shops (IE: bike  or skateboard shop) that can bring out experts of all kinds. While we are at it, does your employer sponsor a golf tournament or a baseball league? This just may be an opportunity for you to have a little lit of fun while creating an opening for yourself.

Not into sports?  Consider the coffee shops near your city’s financial center.  Another decent suggestion?  If you’re a traveler, why not try your airport? I’m sure you’ll find a bit more than the local janitor or the guy behind the news counter, although I have seen a few hot janitors during my travels as well.  Need more suggestions, what about your industry business conference? Although, just a word of caution, you might end up finding more married men on the prowl than single one’s looking for relationships.  Got a hobby? Try Meetup.com. It is a great resource for finding like- minded people. Lastly, wanna give your home that much needed face-lift?  Try the local home improvement store such as Lowe’s or Home Depot.  From the plumbing aisle, to lumber, flooring and every place in between you’ll have access to everyone from the contractors that use those supplies to the do it yourself kind of guy.  And last but not least, if all else fails, online dating sites are definitely viable options with a decent selection of like minded men who may just want the same things you do. Tired of Match.com or not wanting to complete the complicated questionnaire of E-Harmony? Newer sites such OkCupid, POF, Zoosk and Singles.net may just provide a whole new gene pool of fresh meat to choose from.

Well, there you go!  Now go out there and get to work!

My Baby Is BORN!

Okay, Okay!  So I didn't actually give birth to a living soul, but this thing that I have been living a breathing for the past several years, has finally come to life!

In its entirety, this collection of dating stories and dating lessons learned is a culmination of the eight years in the making.  It's  been a long and arduous journey, but I knew in my heart that the point had to be made. No matter how long it took, I was bound and determined that tradition would not get the best of me...or any other women for that matter. When yesterdays society dictations are no longer appropriate for today's society, then somethings gotta change.

What I mean is... by tradition, marriage was the standard that all should strive for.  Some experts feel that past social norms and gender relations have caused women to be preprogrammed to want marriage. I too fell victim to such programming.  Barbie and Ken along with my Easy Bake Oven made it easy for me to fall into that romanticized vision of getting married and living happily ever after.  In my early years, I wasn't as cognizant as Little Riley, to recognize the marketing trickery of big business.  I did think that all girls wanted to be pink princesses. Unbeknown to me, Little Riley would now become one of my super heroes.

Just because a girl doesn't get married doesn't mean that she should feel like a failure.  Everyday I hear stories from women who feel inadequate simply because they are still single.  Many times I am confronted with that dreaded questions..."Why are you still single?"... as if to imply that it is some type of curse.  Today, my answer is almost always..."Why not?  What's wrong with being single?" Not that I am against marriage, by any means.  On the contrary. It took me a while to realize that marriage is just one branch on my tree of life.  Most trees have many branches, and even those branches can have many limbs extending off of them. Those branches represent the many options that life has to offer. And the beauty in all of this is... not one tree looks the same. Sure there are apple trees or maple trees and even weeping willows. They may bear the same fruit, but no tree is exactly alike.

It wasn't until I decided to explore the male perspective on dating, that I realized how right they actually  are. Being on the receiving end of men's dating mishaps, can make it hard to see the good that can come from the male perspective. Should you be able to separate yourself from the lies and deceit that women are often exposed to, and replace it with honesty, then it's not hard to see that they may be on to something. Only then is it easy to see that men tend not to apply the same pressures to themselves as do women, and take on a more relaxed approach to dating.  They typically do not sum up a woman on the first date to determine if she is marriage material.  They simply want to go out and enjoy a woman's company.  That's it.  There is no expectation.  They don't make things complicated.  There is no implication of exclusivity. It's all about having a good time.  At least initially anyway.

But times are in fact changing. The numbers of available men are dwindling.  CNN recently reported that there are only 88 single men to every 100 single women.  To add insult to injury, many women also find themselves living in cities such as New York, Philadelphia, D.C. and Atlanta, where  the single pool of women largely outweigh the number of single men. Women are finding themselves in single status due to no fault of their own, and its becoming a phenomenon that no one can control.  Situations such as unemployment, gay or bi-sexual preferences for men, contribute to the pool of undesirable mates, leaving women without many options.  Like it or not, a new societal tradition is rearing its ugly head.

When forced to tackle the question of "What if I never get married?" over eight years ago, I found nothing available to comfort my broken heart. Instead, I was flooded with the many ways to find Mr. Right.  Confused but yet determined to find another option, my discovery lead to the birth of my baby, "Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!"

What I've discovered is that life without marriage can be fabulous! In fact, many of my married friends contend the same.  But the purpose here is to encourage single women to live the life they have always dreamed of, with or without a mate.  Realizing that all everyone really wants is companionship, then they are encouraged to explore the male perspective by taking a more casual approach, throwing away that old notion that the outcome of dating must be marriage.

So with that thought in mind, I am challenging women to seek the adventure in dating. Try dating outside your dating box by traveling to a new city to explore a new pool of men. Maybe explore interracial dating. And even better still, try dating more that one man at a time. Be safe, but have fun.  It just might be the most fun a single girl could ever have.

"Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!" is now available on:

Amazon.com:  https://www.amazon.com/author/djjohnson

CreateSpace E-store: https://www.createspace.com/3559874

The Kindle version will also be available within the next few weeks.

Blessings to you all!

Embracing Single Status In 2012- Five Reasons For You To Love It!

HERE'S TO A FABULOUS NEW CHAPTER!

 ”Why is a beautiful woman like you still single?  Each and every time I get asked that question, I get perplexed.  The implication always seems to be that my life would be so much better…if only I were married.  Really???

Then tell me why only half of all Americans are engaging in the practice, when one out of every three Americans were engaging in 1960’s.   A recently published MSNBC article stated that the constitution of holy matrimony was down to an all time low of 51%.  I can’t say that I am shocked to hear this.  What I am shocked about is why so many single women are still panicked about choosing this headache?

I am just kidding about the headaches of marriage, but lets face it… if you didn’t marry the RIGHT person, it could just be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make and truly a costly one to get out of.  I understand that most woman want it, but if they understood what it is they are really giving up, just maybe we’d think twice before jumping that broom.

Single is EASY.   Think about this for a minute.  When was the last time you had to consult someone on a financial or lifestyle decision?  If you really want that Michael Kors watch for $375, and your bank account says you can afford it, you don’t have to consult the hubby before you make that purchase…you just do it.  If you desperately need that massage…schedule that appointment.  There’s no need to ask for permission. Why complicate your life by adding a husband when single is so easy?

Engage in your passions… or discover new ones!  You have such a unique opportunity to just do you!  Our married counterparts are busy splitting their time between the demands of husband and family, only to have whatever time is left.  And that’s provided they still have the energy.  Singleness affords the opportunity to develop the best you, you can be.  Why not take the time to develop or explore your spirituality.  Buy that ticket to Paris and take that trip you’ve always wanted. Learn to speak French and take that class before your trip, or even better yet, take that French cooking class too.  Build up those finances and make those investments you’ve been considering.  Join that softball league in the community park near your home. The opportunities are bountiful and ripe for the picking. Just choose one and let the passion begin.

A Single Life is a Cheaper Life.  “On a month-to-month basis, marriage just doesn't pay. At least not far beyond the honeymoon phase, after which the happy couple invariably decides to leverage its new status into better living quarters, nicer cars and more "mature" spending priorities like insurance and church donations, ” according to a Forbes.com article.  The article goes on to mention that  singles who make an effort to do financially prudent things such as buying homes and opening up retirement accounts early, wind up better off than their married counterparts. Once children enter the picture, married couples are really in financial trouble: The costs to raise and educate children are staggering.

Variety is the spice of life.  Lets face it.  Men do it all the time.  If they can have a little “Black Book,” why can’t we have a little “Pink Book?”  There’s no reason why you can’t have a movie friend, a sports event friend and a dinner friend too?  How about a date for breakfast, another for lunch, and yet another for dinner and desert?  There are plenty of fish in the sea.  So go for it, but be safe.  After all, WHY SHOULD MEN HAVE ALL THE FUN?

Freedom.   Webster defines it as: liberty, autonomy, independence, lack of restrictions, sovereignty and free will . In my opinion, this is the best reason of all to embrace the single life.  Even married folks will agree that not having to answer to anyone for anything…is a great thing.  Doing what you want to do and when your wanting to do it allows you to life your life just as you choose.  What a wonderful thing!

As we enter this fabulous new chapter called 2012, I challenge you to become the best you possible as you …

Embrace your independence!
Accept your autonomy!
Hold your head high and walk in your sovereignty!

Austin Publicity & Marketing Tour

Sitting in the airport, waiting for my delayed flight. What a bummer! It’s no one’s fault that there is heavy fog in San Antonio and flights can’t get in or out, but just sitting and waiting can be quite aggravating.  There are a million things I could be doing right now… but it’s hard to be productive when you don’t even have an internet connection.  The airport is supposed to have wi-fi, but its not working either.

This is however, the first opportunity I’ve had to just sit with myself and reflect on the past five whirlwind days in my second home city of Austin.  It is such a great city.  Hundreds of music venues have earned Austin the title of "live music capital of the world," with its 1,900 bands and performing artists calling the Austin area home. Also showered with abundant sunshine and beautiful natural surroundings this city is a nature lovers and outdoor enthusiasts’ dream.

One of the primary reasons for returning to Austin was to promote the book and connect with indie bookstore owners about future book signings. Many thanks to Book Woman, Book People, Domy,  and  Monkey Wrench Books for taking time out of their busy schedules to discuss the possibility of book sales and signings.  I’ve never done this before, but the marketing experience gained from my days in property management were indeed great preparation for a project such as this. It’s probably not the most traditional route, but you do what you know and hope for the best.  After all, nothing ventured…nothing gained!

It was exciting to see “Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!”, being so well received.  Curiosity, questions and laughter was all that was needed to confirm that marketing efforts are headed in the right direction.  Fabulous conversation from both men and women alike proved to be the right mix of motivation for me stay the course.  

It won’t be long now before my dream becomes my reality.  The book is in its final stages of formatting, and is still on target to be released Mid-January 2012.  The book launch party is in it’s final planning stages and should be announced soon!

Before you know it… I’ll be doing a book-signing event in your area.

Here’s to women having all the fun…