My Baby Is BORN!

Okay, Okay!  So I didn't actually give birth to a living soul, but this thing that I have been living a breathing for the past several years, has finally come to life!

In its entirety, this collection of dating stories and dating lessons learned is a culmination of the eight years in the making.  It's  been a long and arduous journey, but I knew in my heart that the point had to be made. No matter how long it took, I was bound and determined that tradition would not get the best of me...or any other women for that matter. When yesterdays society dictations are no longer appropriate for today's society, then somethings gotta change.

What I mean is... by tradition, marriage was the standard that all should strive for.  Some experts feel that past social norms and gender relations have caused women to be preprogrammed to want marriage. I too fell victim to such programming.  Barbie and Ken along with my Easy Bake Oven made it easy for me to fall into that romanticized vision of getting married and living happily ever after.  In my early years, I wasn't as cognizant as Little Riley, to recognize the marketing trickery of big business.  I did think that all girls wanted to be pink princesses. Unbeknown to me, Little Riley would now become one of my super heroes.

Just because a girl doesn't get married doesn't mean that she should feel like a failure.  Everyday I hear stories from women who feel inadequate simply because they are still single.  Many times I am confronted with that dreaded questions..."Why are you still single?"... as if to imply that it is some type of curse.  Today, my answer is almost always..."Why not?  What's wrong with being single?" Not that I am against marriage, by any means.  On the contrary. It took me a while to realize that marriage is just one branch on my tree of life.  Most trees have many branches, and even those branches can have many limbs extending off of them. Those branches represent the many options that life has to offer. And the beauty in all of this is... not one tree looks the same. Sure there are apple trees or maple trees and even weeping willows. They may bear the same fruit, but no tree is exactly alike.

It wasn't until I decided to explore the male perspective on dating, that I realized how right they actually  are. Being on the receiving end of men's dating mishaps, can make it hard to see the good that can come from the male perspective. Should you be able to separate yourself from the lies and deceit that women are often exposed to, and replace it with honesty, then it's not hard to see that they may be on to something. Only then is it easy to see that men tend not to apply the same pressures to themselves as do women, and take on a more relaxed approach to dating.  They typically do not sum up a woman on the first date to determine if she is marriage material.  They simply want to go out and enjoy a woman's company.  That's it.  There is no expectation.  They don't make things complicated.  There is no implication of exclusivity. It's all about having a good time.  At least initially anyway.

But times are in fact changing. The numbers of available men are dwindling.  CNN recently reported that there are only 88 single men to every 100 single women.  To add insult to injury, many women also find themselves living in cities such as New York, Philadelphia, D.C. and Atlanta, where  the single pool of women largely outweigh the number of single men. Women are finding themselves in single status due to no fault of their own, and its becoming a phenomenon that no one can control.  Situations such as unemployment, gay or bi-sexual preferences for men, contribute to the pool of undesirable mates, leaving women without many options.  Like it or not, a new societal tradition is rearing its ugly head.

When forced to tackle the question of "What if I never get married?" over eight years ago, I found nothing available to comfort my broken heart. Instead, I was flooded with the many ways to find Mr. Right.  Confused but yet determined to find another option, my discovery lead to the birth of my baby, "Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!"

What I've discovered is that life without marriage can be fabulous! In fact, many of my married friends contend the same.  But the purpose here is to encourage single women to live the life they have always dreamed of, with or without a mate.  Realizing that all everyone really wants is companionship, then they are encouraged to explore the male perspective by taking a more casual approach, throwing away that old notion that the outcome of dating must be marriage.

So with that thought in mind, I am challenging women to seek the adventure in dating. Try dating outside your dating box by traveling to a new city to explore a new pool of men. Maybe explore interracial dating. And even better still, try dating more that one man at a time. Be safe, but have fun.  It just might be the most fun a single girl could ever have.

"Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!" is now available on:

Amazon.com:  https://www.amazon.com/author/djjohnson

CreateSpace E-store: https://www.createspace.com/3559874

The Kindle version will also be available within the next few weeks.

Blessings to you all!

The Station...

     "Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision.  We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent.  We are traveling by train.  Out the windows we drink the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, or children waving at a crossing, or cattle grazing on a distant hillside, or smoke pouring from a power plant, or row upon row of corn and wheat, of flat lands and valleys, or mountains and rolling hillsides, or city skylines and village halls.

     But uppermost on our minds is the final destination.  On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station.  Bands will be playing and flags waving.  Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle.  How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering- waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

     "When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry.  "When I am 18."  "When I buy my new 450SL Mercedes-Benz!"  "When I put the last kid through college."  "When I get a promotion." When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!"  

     Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all.  The true joy of life is the trip.  The station is only an illusion.  It constantly outdistances us.  

     "Relish the moment" is a good motto.  Especially when coupled with Psalms 118"24: "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."  It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad.  It is the regrets over yesterday and the fears of tomorrow.  Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

     So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles.  Instead, climb more mountains, watch more sunsets, laugh more, and cry less.  Life must be lived as we go along.  The station will come soon enough. "- Robert Hastings

Tucked tightly inside of a holiday card sent by a dear friend, was this reminder of how life should be lived and savored. Fabulous advice for the start of the new year.  Resolve to leave regret and fear behind...Resolve to enjoy every moment of your journey!  That's one resolution you won't regret!

Embracing Single Status In 2012- Five Reasons For You To Love It!

HERE'S TO A FABULOUS NEW CHAPTER!

 ”Why is a beautiful woman like you still single?  Each and every time I get asked that question, I get perplexed.  The implication always seems to be that my life would be so much better…if only I were married.  Really???

Then tell me why only half of all Americans are engaging in the practice, when one out of every three Americans were engaging in 1960’s.   A recently published MSNBC article stated that the constitution of holy matrimony was down to an all time low of 51%.  I can’t say that I am shocked to hear this.  What I am shocked about is why so many single women are still panicked about choosing this headache?

I am just kidding about the headaches of marriage, but lets face it… if you didn’t marry the RIGHT person, it could just be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make and truly a costly one to get out of.  I understand that most woman want it, but if they understood what it is they are really giving up, just maybe we’d think twice before jumping that broom.

Single is EASY.   Think about this for a minute.  When was the last time you had to consult someone on a financial or lifestyle decision?  If you really want that Michael Kors watch for $375, and your bank account says you can afford it, you don’t have to consult the hubby before you make that purchase…you just do it.  If you desperately need that massage…schedule that appointment.  There’s no need to ask for permission. Why complicate your life by adding a husband when single is so easy?

Engage in your passions… or discover new ones!  You have such a unique opportunity to just do you!  Our married counterparts are busy splitting their time between the demands of husband and family, only to have whatever time is left.  And that’s provided they still have the energy.  Singleness affords the opportunity to develop the best you, you can be.  Why not take the time to develop or explore your spirituality.  Buy that ticket to Paris and take that trip you’ve always wanted. Learn to speak French and take that class before your trip, or even better yet, take that French cooking class too.  Build up those finances and make those investments you’ve been considering.  Join that softball league in the community park near your home. The opportunities are bountiful and ripe for the picking. Just choose one and let the passion begin.

A Single Life is a Cheaper Life.  “On a month-to-month basis, marriage just doesn't pay. At least not far beyond the honeymoon phase, after which the happy couple invariably decides to leverage its new status into better living quarters, nicer cars and more "mature" spending priorities like insurance and church donations, ” according to a Forbes.com article.  The article goes on to mention that  singles who make an effort to do financially prudent things such as buying homes and opening up retirement accounts early, wind up better off than their married counterparts. Once children enter the picture, married couples are really in financial trouble: The costs to raise and educate children are staggering.

Variety is the spice of life.  Lets face it.  Men do it all the time.  If they can have a little “Black Book,” why can’t we have a little “Pink Book?”  There’s no reason why you can’t have a movie friend, a sports event friend and a dinner friend too?  How about a date for breakfast, another for lunch, and yet another for dinner and desert?  There are plenty of fish in the sea.  So go for it, but be safe.  After all, WHY SHOULD MEN HAVE ALL THE FUN?

Freedom.   Webster defines it as: liberty, autonomy, independence, lack of restrictions, sovereignty and free will . In my opinion, this is the best reason of all to embrace the single life.  Even married folks will agree that not having to answer to anyone for anything…is a great thing.  Doing what you want to do and when your wanting to do it allows you to life your life just as you choose.  What a wonderful thing!

As we enter this fabulous new chapter called 2012, I challenge you to become the best you possible as you …

Embrace your independence!
Accept your autonomy!
Hold your head high and walk in your sovereignty!