Do You Have Kids?

   There have been times when I have written about things I regret.  More times than not, what I really regret is the manner in which I wrote about that topic. You’re writing so quickly, trying hard to capture your every thought on paper.  In the process you're bound to make snap judgements or even rant. When read these rants can appear to be bitchy, judgmental and even sometimes unfair. Today, I hope this isn't the case.

It's not the first time it's happened.  Unfortunately, it happens all the time.  You meet someone for the first time, maybe a neighbor.  Another customer in line at the grocery store.  A co-worker. After exchanging pleasantries, the next question they want answered is... "So, do you have any children?"  As if to say... " Are you the type of woman who desires to be a human incubator for another little person that will at some point of his or her own choosing,  aggressively impel its way through your guts all while simultaneously transforming your life to revolve around his?"

Are all woman presumed to have or want children? Is it assumed that our path of life takes us all down a street with a Babies R Us proudly displayed in the center of a cul de sac, and we are all expected to get out and skip with glee at the mere presence of its large purple letters above its door. Really?

What then becomes hysterical, is look on their face when the question is answered with an astounding... No.  They want to check the time on their wrist watch, all while trying not to be obviously puzzled by the response. Priceless! Its as if the look at the wristwatch translates to... Do you know how much time you have left? -while the puzzled look parlays to ... And just how old are you, anyway?

I'd be quick to point the finger to my stint in Mississippi, but the truth is, I've always been asked this question.  Even my own gynecologist has cautioned... "Don't wait too long." But in his defense, he gets a pass, since he does live and breathe this sort of thing on a daily basis. Mostly, I can give my position, and it is accepted and respected.  In some cases, I state my position and a light bulb goes off, as if it was a position that had not even been given consideration, and now worthy of contemplation as a new option. Those are the moments I enjoy, especially when it comes from a young woman at the beginning stages of forging her path.  But here lately, I find myself having to succumb to the pressure of having to defend the choices I've made for my life. There is only one way of life here in the deep south. I'll give you no husband...women here raise children by themselves all the time. But childless?  That backwards way of thinking has no place here in Mississippi.

And please do not mis-understand my rant.  I personally believe that mothers are the most incredible people in the world.  I believe it is also one of the most challenging vocations to get right.  So when I say that this applaud is coming from someone who has once left for work and had forgotten to put food in her dog's bowl, it is with the utmost sincerity that I salute mothers.

But this isn't about motherhood.  Nor is it about children. It is about all of those women who chose NOT to be rated by their potential to give life. It has no more or less merit than for those who do. This is for all the women who for whatever reason, can't. This is about all those women who have chosen more freedom and perhaps a different set of responsibilities. It is about all of those women who courageously admit that their talents could best be suited elsewhere.  And this is about all those women who chose to wait for Mr. Right, but didn't find him in time. It would be nice to be considered worthy of my contributions as a person, as opposed to the number of eggs I have fertilized. To whole-heartedly assume that a free thinking, productive and creative woman can not be totally fulfilled unless she chooses to dip into that cul de sac with the Babies R Us, is simply unthinkable. It's as if no action can ever be equivalent to giving birth, and for that matter, why would you want otherwise? Are you kidding me?

So in the event that you see me sporting a new shorter, trendier coiffure... it is probably safe to assume that I have pulled my hair out from the sheer frustration of having to explain why I do not have kids.

Embracing Single Status In 2012- Five Reasons For You To Love It!

HERE'S TO A FABULOUS NEW CHAPTER!

 ”Why is a beautiful woman like you still single?  Each and every time I get asked that question, I get perplexed.  The implication always seems to be that my life would be so much better…if only I were married.  Really???

Then tell me why only half of all Americans are engaging in the practice, when one out of every three Americans were engaging in 1960’s.   A recently published MSNBC article stated that the constitution of holy matrimony was down to an all time low of 51%.  I can’t say that I am shocked to hear this.  What I am shocked about is why so many single women are still panicked about choosing this headache?

I am just kidding about the headaches of marriage, but lets face it… if you didn’t marry the RIGHT person, it could just be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make and truly a costly one to get out of.  I understand that most woman want it, but if they understood what it is they are really giving up, just maybe we’d think twice before jumping that broom.

Single is EASY.   Think about this for a minute.  When was the last time you had to consult someone on a financial or lifestyle decision?  If you really want that Michael Kors watch for $375, and your bank account says you can afford it, you don’t have to consult the hubby before you make that purchase…you just do it.  If you desperately need that massage…schedule that appointment.  There’s no need to ask for permission. Why complicate your life by adding a husband when single is so easy?

Engage in your passions… or discover new ones!  You have such a unique opportunity to just do you!  Our married counterparts are busy splitting their time between the demands of husband and family, only to have whatever time is left.  And that’s provided they still have the energy.  Singleness affords the opportunity to develop the best you, you can be.  Why not take the time to develop or explore your spirituality.  Buy that ticket to Paris and take that trip you’ve always wanted. Learn to speak French and take that class before your trip, or even better yet, take that French cooking class too.  Build up those finances and make those investments you’ve been considering.  Join that softball league in the community park near your home. The opportunities are bountiful and ripe for the picking. Just choose one and let the passion begin.

A Single Life is a Cheaper Life.  “On a month-to-month basis, marriage just doesn't pay. At least not far beyond the honeymoon phase, after which the happy couple invariably decides to leverage its new status into better living quarters, nicer cars and more "mature" spending priorities like insurance and church donations, ” according to a Forbes.com article.  The article goes on to mention that  singles who make an effort to do financially prudent things such as buying homes and opening up retirement accounts early, wind up better off than their married counterparts. Once children enter the picture, married couples are really in financial trouble: The costs to raise and educate children are staggering.

Variety is the spice of life.  Lets face it.  Men do it all the time.  If they can have a little “Black Book,” why can’t we have a little “Pink Book?”  There’s no reason why you can’t have a movie friend, a sports event friend and a dinner friend too?  How about a date for breakfast, another for lunch, and yet another for dinner and desert?  There are plenty of fish in the sea.  So go for it, but be safe.  After all, WHY SHOULD MEN HAVE ALL THE FUN?

Freedom.   Webster defines it as: liberty, autonomy, independence, lack of restrictions, sovereignty and free will . In my opinion, this is the best reason of all to embrace the single life.  Even married folks will agree that not having to answer to anyone for anything…is a great thing.  Doing what you want to do and when your wanting to do it allows you to life your life just as you choose.  What a wonderful thing!

As we enter this fabulous new chapter called 2012, I challenge you to become the best you possible as you …

Embrace your independence!
Accept your autonomy!
Hold your head high and walk in your sovereignty!

Austin Publicity & Marketing Tour

Sitting in the airport, waiting for my delayed flight. What a bummer! It’s no one’s fault that there is heavy fog in San Antonio and flights can’t get in or out, but just sitting and waiting can be quite aggravating.  There are a million things I could be doing right now… but it’s hard to be productive when you don’t even have an internet connection.  The airport is supposed to have wi-fi, but its not working either.

This is however, the first opportunity I’ve had to just sit with myself and reflect on the past five whirlwind days in my second home city of Austin.  It is such a great city.  Hundreds of music venues have earned Austin the title of "live music capital of the world," with its 1,900 bands and performing artists calling the Austin area home. Also showered with abundant sunshine and beautiful natural surroundings this city is a nature lovers and outdoor enthusiasts’ dream.

One of the primary reasons for returning to Austin was to promote the book and connect with indie bookstore owners about future book signings. Many thanks to Book Woman, Book People, Domy,  and  Monkey Wrench Books for taking time out of their busy schedules to discuss the possibility of book sales and signings.  I’ve never done this before, but the marketing experience gained from my days in property management were indeed great preparation for a project such as this. It’s probably not the most traditional route, but you do what you know and hope for the best.  After all, nothing ventured…nothing gained!

It was exciting to see “Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!”, being so well received.  Curiosity, questions and laughter was all that was needed to confirm that marketing efforts are headed in the right direction.  Fabulous conversation from both men and women alike proved to be the right mix of motivation for me stay the course.  

It won’t be long now before my dream becomes my reality.  The book is in its final stages of formatting, and is still on target to be released Mid-January 2012.  The book launch party is in it’s final planning stages and should be announced soon!

Before you know it… I’ll be doing a book-signing event in your area.

Here’s to women having all the fun…