The Fortitude of Freedom

 

I don’t know about you… but I enjoy my own company. Although I am blessed with a fabulous arsenal of friends, (and I have some of the best friends in the world,) there are times when only my own company will do.   There doesn’t need to be a personal trauma or an issue that needs contemplation for me to pack a bag and head away for a weekend.  There are times where I don’t even need a destination.  Sometimes,  a tank of gas will do just fine.

There is a certain satisfaction that comes with the realization that there is power in freedom. The idea that I can make a decision to go ANYWHERE and do just about ANYTHING is not just alluring… it’s liberating!  All that is needed is a desire. It can start with the simplest of ideas, like travel for example. The concept of freedom is such a wonderful thing, and yet many of us don’t exercise it to the fullest extent.  We react life as it happens instead of conscientiously choosing where we want our lives to go.  When was the last time you chosen to exercise your autonomy?

This weekend, I am exhibiting my free will in Savannah, Georgia. I had the desire to be near water, so I packed my weekend bag with a couple pairs of jeans, a comfortable pair of shoes, a bottle of my favorite wine, and an iPod full of my favorite tunes.  Other than the selection of a hotel on the riverfront, I really didn’t have a plan.  Whatever struck my fancy…that is what I chose to do.  Friday night sounded like a fabulous night for a rooftop dinner while watching the sunset.  Saturday’s unseasonably warm weather felt ideal for exploring the city’s exquisite architecture, and allowed me to discover Savannah’s only craft brewery…go figure!  And that wasn’t even on the list…because I chose not to have one.

Today is Sunday.  So far it’s been a magnificent day for a fabulous breakfast, followed by some quiet time enjoying the view from my riverfront balcony.  Maybe late this afternoon I’ll find a great Sushi Restaurant, and afterwards go shopping for the best pralines in the city to bring back to my family.  They’ll love that.  Maybe I’ll choose something else?  Who knows?

What I do know is that I LOVE choosing sovereignty.  I am truly grateful for the God given right to be the person I choose to be.  I can explore all the places I desire to see and do all of the wonderful things that are available to me.  I can take a boat ride on the Savannah River or I can sit quietly on my balcony and enjoy its view.  Whatever I do…I know it will be the right choice!

The Station...

     "Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision.  We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent.  We are traveling by train.  Out the windows we drink the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, or children waving at a crossing, or cattle grazing on a distant hillside, or smoke pouring from a power plant, or row upon row of corn and wheat, of flat lands and valleys, or mountains and rolling hillsides, or city skylines and village halls.

     But uppermost on our minds is the final destination.  On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station.  Bands will be playing and flags waving.  Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle.  How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering- waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

     "When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry.  "When I am 18."  "When I buy my new 450SL Mercedes-Benz!"  "When I put the last kid through college."  "When I get a promotion." When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!"  

     Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all.  The true joy of life is the trip.  The station is only an illusion.  It constantly outdistances us.  

     "Relish the moment" is a good motto.  Especially when coupled with Psalms 118"24: "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."  It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad.  It is the regrets over yesterday and the fears of tomorrow.  Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

     So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles.  Instead, climb more mountains, watch more sunsets, laugh more, and cry less.  Life must be lived as we go along.  The station will come soon enough. "- Robert Hastings

Tucked tightly inside of a holiday card sent by a dear friend, was this reminder of how life should be lived and savored. Fabulous advice for the start of the new year.  Resolve to leave regret and fear behind...Resolve to enjoy every moment of your journey!  That's one resolution you won't regret!

Recognize your power… it goes deeper than just the power of the P%#@$!

I received lots of feedback with last weeks posting regarding embracing your singleness.  And although most of you got the point…many of you didn’t think that we explored far enough, and asked to expand embracing your singleness while involved in relationships.

First of all, the answer is yes!  Yes you can still be the strong, sexy independent woman you are, and still have successful relationships with men.  I believe that the key is held in recognizing your power.

It goes much deeper than a beautiful smile, a fabulous scent and the power of the P(*^%.  Understanding the power of the almighty word is probably the most influential tool that you have in your arsenal.  Getting him to listen, understand and see your side of things can be quite easy…if you approach him in the right way.

1.) Try Communicating with a Tender Touch- Don’t be combative and argumentative. Getting him to side with you takes more than proving your point.  Raising your voice because you are upset with him isn’t going to do a thing except shut him down and tune you out.  Try using the tender touch…for example:  “Yes, Honey, that’s a great idea, but have you considered this?  Now I will support your decision, no matter what you decide, but I would be more comfortable with this.  Now again, it’s your decision.!”  Then   drop it. Keep it short and sweet.  You’ve said your peace and you’ve made your stance known without taking away his power.

2.) Let Him Take Care of You- When you’re used to being self sufficient and independent, it’s hard to let some things go and ask for help.  I’ve struggled with this one and have failed many times.  I want things done when I want them done.  For example: “Honey can you reach into that top cabinet and grab the sugar…I can’t reach it.”  Or how about “Baby, can you get that pack of water out of the trunk of my car, please?”  Then exercise your patience and wait for him to do it.  If the thing you need is time sensitive, let him know that too.  “Honey, can you get the water out of the car for me please?  I need it now so that I can get my exercise bag ready .”  Now we all know that you’ve always been able to do these things on your own, but making your man feel as though he is needed is a powerful thing.

3.) Communication is Key- While the way you present your communication to him is paramount, it is also important to know that your man is not a mind reader.  Don’t expect him to do something for you, just because you think he should.  Tell him what you want.  If your anniversary in next week and you want to him to take you to dinner…ask him.  Don’t hope that he remembers your anniversary and then get upset with him because he didn’t remember.  Often time than not, men have selective memories.  Just because it’s important to you, doesn’t mean it will have the same significance for him.  Remember that you have not…because you ask not!

4.) Reward Him Often-  If you’ve been able to get him to listen to your suggestions, or gotten him to get the water out of the trunk of your car… why not reward him? Now we all know then men are sexually driven, but if its not a good time for sex, then how about his favorite dessert or favorite beer?  How about a nice mini massage on the neck and shoulders? Have you complimented him lately?  It doesn’t have to be anything big, but showing your man that he is appreciated can go a long way towards getting what you need him to do bot now and in the future.

5.) Be Consistent-  If you start doing these things, make sure that you continue to do them.  Don’t ask him to get the water out of the trunk this week, and then you pull it out of the trunk next week.  Need him often.  Don’t support him this week and take his power away the next.  Repetition and consistency will be fundamental to your future success.  Making him feel powerful, desirable will go a long way in helping you to maintain your power, while resulting in a happy relationship.

Embracing Single Status In 2012- Five Reasons For You To Love It!

HERE'S TO A FABULOUS NEW CHAPTER!

 ”Why is a beautiful woman like you still single?  Each and every time I get asked that question, I get perplexed.  The implication always seems to be that my life would be so much better…if only I were married.  Really???

Then tell me why only half of all Americans are engaging in the practice, when one out of every three Americans were engaging in 1960’s.   A recently published MSNBC article stated that the constitution of holy matrimony was down to an all time low of 51%.  I can’t say that I am shocked to hear this.  What I am shocked about is why so many single women are still panicked about choosing this headache?

I am just kidding about the headaches of marriage, but lets face it… if you didn’t marry the RIGHT person, it could just be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make and truly a costly one to get out of.  I understand that most woman want it, but if they understood what it is they are really giving up, just maybe we’d think twice before jumping that broom.

Single is EASY.   Think about this for a minute.  When was the last time you had to consult someone on a financial or lifestyle decision?  If you really want that Michael Kors watch for $375, and your bank account says you can afford it, you don’t have to consult the hubby before you make that purchase…you just do it.  If you desperately need that massage…schedule that appointment.  There’s no need to ask for permission. Why complicate your life by adding a husband when single is so easy?

Engage in your passions… or discover new ones!  You have such a unique opportunity to just do you!  Our married counterparts are busy splitting their time between the demands of husband and family, only to have whatever time is left.  And that’s provided they still have the energy.  Singleness affords the opportunity to develop the best you, you can be.  Why not take the time to develop or explore your spirituality.  Buy that ticket to Paris and take that trip you’ve always wanted. Learn to speak French and take that class before your trip, or even better yet, take that French cooking class too.  Build up those finances and make those investments you’ve been considering.  Join that softball league in the community park near your home. The opportunities are bountiful and ripe for the picking. Just choose one and let the passion begin.

A Single Life is a Cheaper Life.  “On a month-to-month basis, marriage just doesn't pay. At least not far beyond the honeymoon phase, after which the happy couple invariably decides to leverage its new status into better living quarters, nicer cars and more "mature" spending priorities like insurance and church donations, ” according to a Forbes.com article.  The article goes on to mention that  singles who make an effort to do financially prudent things such as buying homes and opening up retirement accounts early, wind up better off than their married counterparts. Once children enter the picture, married couples are really in financial trouble: The costs to raise and educate children are staggering.

Variety is the spice of life.  Lets face it.  Men do it all the time.  If they can have a little “Black Book,” why can’t we have a little “Pink Book?”  There’s no reason why you can’t have a movie friend, a sports event friend and a dinner friend too?  How about a date for breakfast, another for lunch, and yet another for dinner and desert?  There are plenty of fish in the sea.  So go for it, but be safe.  After all, WHY SHOULD MEN HAVE ALL THE FUN?

Freedom.   Webster defines it as: liberty, autonomy, independence, lack of restrictions, sovereignty and free will . In my opinion, this is the best reason of all to embrace the single life.  Even married folks will agree that not having to answer to anyone for anything…is a great thing.  Doing what you want to do and when your wanting to do it allows you to life your life just as you choose.  What a wonderful thing!

As we enter this fabulous new chapter called 2012, I challenge you to become the best you possible as you …

Embrace your independence!
Accept your autonomy!
Hold your head high and walk in your sovereignty!

Austin Publicity & Marketing Tour

Sitting in the airport, waiting for my delayed flight. What a bummer! It’s no one’s fault that there is heavy fog in San Antonio and flights can’t get in or out, but just sitting and waiting can be quite aggravating.  There are a million things I could be doing right now… but it’s hard to be productive when you don’t even have an internet connection.  The airport is supposed to have wi-fi, but its not working either.

This is however, the first opportunity I’ve had to just sit with myself and reflect on the past five whirlwind days in my second home city of Austin.  It is such a great city.  Hundreds of music venues have earned Austin the title of "live music capital of the world," with its 1,900 bands and performing artists calling the Austin area home. Also showered with abundant sunshine and beautiful natural surroundings this city is a nature lovers and outdoor enthusiasts’ dream.

One of the primary reasons for returning to Austin was to promote the book and connect with indie bookstore owners about future book signings. Many thanks to Book Woman, Book People, Domy,  and  Monkey Wrench Books for taking time out of their busy schedules to discuss the possibility of book sales and signings.  I’ve never done this before, but the marketing experience gained from my days in property management were indeed great preparation for a project such as this. It’s probably not the most traditional route, but you do what you know and hope for the best.  After all, nothing ventured…nothing gained!

It was exciting to see “Why Should Men Have All The Fun?!”, being so well received.  Curiosity, questions and laughter was all that was needed to confirm that marketing efforts are headed in the right direction.  Fabulous conversation from both men and women alike proved to be the right mix of motivation for me stay the course.  

It won’t be long now before my dream becomes my reality.  The book is in its final stages of formatting, and is still on target to be released Mid-January 2012.  The book launch party is in it’s final planning stages and should be announced soon!

Before you know it… I’ll be doing a book-signing event in your area.

Here’s to women having all the fun… 

Football, Beer and Men...Three Of My Favorite Things

I am a huge football fan.

Be it college or pro, it is nothing for me to put on my favorite team jersey, a sexy pair of nicely fitted jeans and head out to my local sports pub. I love to go solo. My usual practice is to sit at the bar... you never know who might want to sit next to you, and it's always a good thing to get to know the person who pours your beers. It's an effortless way to give a guy an opening and strike up conversation. If you really know your football, you'll be able to encourage conversation with other men too... that way, if you don't like the guy sitting next to you, there's always the guy next to him, or a few seats down!

Interestingly enough, Stella's an avid football fan as well, so it didn't take much to convince her that we needed to watch a few games and have a few beers. Luckily for me, she's avid beer fan too!   Luck must have been with us that evening, because the only two open seats at the bar just happened to be next to two very handsome and well educated men, perhaps in their thirties. What started out as light hearted, game related tête-à-tête, somehow turned into two hours of thought-provoking, but very opinionated examination on WOMEN'S DATING STRATEGIES, from a man's point of view. Don't ask me who won our game that night... but hearing what these gentlemen had to say made this a very beneficial evening for both Stella as well as myself.  They were able to not only reiterate some of the benefits of venturing outside the box, but they reinforced and encouraged advice that I had been giving to my girlfriend all along.


First...Go Alone.  Men will find you much more approachable if you are not surrounded by an entourage. Besides, they are also far less likely to be embarrassed, should you shoot them down.

Look Beyond Your "TYPE." Just because the guy may not be six feet tall, or perhaps a bit thicker than you might prefer, doesn't mean that he doesn't have something to bring to your table.  Sometimes a great personality or some old fashioned chivalry, can beat out a good-looking jock with no sense of humor.


Date Younger Men.  If you are just out of a serious or long term relationship, dating younger men is a good way to have fun.  Like you, they just wanna have fun too, and I am often told that they find older women more interesting than women their own age. Who am I to argue with that one?

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.  Typically, most men are not very detailed.  They could care less if your purple nail polish doesn't go well with you brown eyeshadow. Who cares if you should have worn the red belt instead of the black one. They will characteristically look at the entire package and decide if they like it or not.  Just make sure that your package looks great.

Smile.  A great smile is worth a thousand words.  Try making eye contact with the guy in the grocery store and give him a little smile when when your eyes meet.  A smile is a way in, and if he's interested, he will follow you over to the next isle.   If he doesn't... Its probably a good bet that he's in a committed relationship (or gay), but at the very least, you've probably made his day.

Lastly...Just Have Fun!  Don't take yourself so seriously.  A guy will always be attracted to a light- hearted, carefree women that looks like she knows how to have fun.  Practice makes perfect so give it a try...You just never know where it might lead!

  

Old Habits Die Hard...

I am sure that I am just as guilty of this as anyone else.

We get into our familiar habits and we do the same things over and over again because that's what we know.  I get it.  But if you want different results, should we conclude that we should probably step outside the proverbial box and try something new?

Case in point... my newly divorced friend who we'll call Stella, says she's ready to get back in the dating game.  At some point, she sees herself taking the plunge again, (but this time with the right person) but for right no, she just wants to put herself out there and just have fun. She been pretty great at the long term relationships, but she's never really dated for any extended period of time. With her new found freedom..."Stella just wants to get her grove back!" Funny thing about Stella.  She says she wants one thing, but her actions indicate something completely different.

For example, in an effort to get things flowing, she signs up for an internet dating website, and sees a few interesting men that provoke conversation. One conversation leads to another with several of these men...but somehow Stella sets her sights on the one guy she really likes, and goes out with him, and him alone.  After about a month of dating and sex, because she's decided that she really likes him...Mr. Man announces that he is not ready for a serious relationship, and cuts Stella off without warning. Now Stella is left holding the bag, and is wondering what happened.

So, exactly where did Stella go wrong?!?!? Well lets first start with her objective... didn't Stella say that she just wanted to get out and have fun?!?!?  Why would someone who just wants to have fun, set their sights on only one man, when she had the attention of several?!?!?  She could have had several dates with several men...but instead she chose only one. The one who she best felt fit inside her proverbial box.

Secondly, setting her sights on the Mr. Man and focusing her time and energy in one direction, made him feel pressured.  Stella became clingy and wanted to spend all of her free time with him and him alone. Instead, she should have spread herself amongst the men who garnered her attention, including Mr. Man, and just had fun.  Stella could have had coffee with guy #1 on Monday, wine with guy #2 on  Wednesday, and lunch with Mr. Man on Friday.  It shouldn't matter that he's not six feet tall, and doesn't have a six pack.  Go out with him anyway.  Your not trying to marry him...your just trying to meet new friends, go out and have fun.  The guy that doesn't meet your physical requirements just might bring something else to the table that you had not considered.  And even if he turns out to be the biggest jerk in the world... what have you really lost?!?! It was just coffee!!!

So if you can do just one thing for yourself to change your dating life... try stepping outside your box, and spread your time with more than one person at a time.  You just might be glad you did!!!